Every day I wait for a call. A simple, short, automatic call that tells me that I'm still waiting for a job. Every day, I wait to find out if I'm one of the lucky few to be hired during a recession (I hate the term Credit Crunch) but no-one sees fit to let you know anymore. Years ago, I got letter after letter saying "sorry, we just aren't looking for staff" but now you get nothing, not even an email.
Why? Is it that they're too busy giving the job to someone else? Or is it laziness? It's laziness. Pure, adulterating laziness that leads people to feel that there is no obligation between them and you to keep you posted on the job front. I am a perfectly good typist, good enough with a typewriter let alone a laptop so why can't I get a job? If anyone reading this is from West Yorkshire please email me (hypocritical or what?) and offer me a job that doesn't have to pay millions but is enough in a recession to live on. Please. If you are from further afield, I'll need details but would still consider any options. Trust me, I'm not that fussy right now.
thegoldenankh
x
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Thursday, 9 July 2009
Still No Word And, Yes, I Know It's Only Been 5 Days
Just a quick update: still no job yet. I don't know if I can find another job I could excell at so what do I do? I start writing again. I know it won't earn me anything (if ever it gets finished, never mind published) but it helps me relax by giving me something else to think about.
Here I am, trying to find a job that will allow us to set up a future, and allow us to make a positive start in a sad world. Having seen my parents' struggle to make sure we had a good home, a nice home, I want to be secure now so that we don't have to worry. Is it so wrong to wonder if I made the right decision in even coming to University? Yes, I got Matt out of the equation but other than him, what did I get? Answer: bugger all that's good. I got massive debt; no job; no home of my own. All that's to come, apparently but in a recession, where will it come from?
I'm currently listening to the dog barking at the builders and the rain and wondering why I can't grab my life by the balls and change it? Why shouldn't I? I'm a young woman (nearly 23), with all to play for. I have a boyfriend who loves me and is prepared to let me be who I want, accepts me for what shape I am. I feel ready to take on the world and know that I have every chance of succeeding.
So here I go. My first steps into the world. Well, they will be when I hear from Asda!
x
Here I am, trying to find a job that will allow us to set up a future, and allow us to make a positive start in a sad world. Having seen my parents' struggle to make sure we had a good home, a nice home, I want to be secure now so that we don't have to worry. Is it so wrong to wonder if I made the right decision in even coming to University? Yes, I got Matt out of the equation but other than him, what did I get? Answer: bugger all that's good. I got massive debt; no job; no home of my own. All that's to come, apparently but in a recession, where will it come from?
I'm currently listening to the dog barking at the builders and the rain and wondering why I can't grab my life by the balls and change it? Why shouldn't I? I'm a young woman (nearly 23), with all to play for. I have a boyfriend who loves me and is prepared to let me be who I want, accepts me for what shape I am. I feel ready to take on the world and know that I have every chance of succeeding.
So here I go. My first steps into the world. Well, they will be when I hear from Asda!
x
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
How Long Does It Take?
Ever found yourself waiting? Endlessly waiting? Unnecessarily waiting? I have. I am. I'm currently waiting for Asda to get back to me on my application for Night Manager. A job I could do with my eyes closed. And blindfolded so there's no peeking! So why does it take so long? Just give me an interview and let me tell you why you should hire me. I can be awesome when I'm in the correct job. Take The Tube 80s Bar in Liverpool as an example. I rocked that bar. Alice Cooper, Bonny Tyler and Spandau Ballet blasting away, me and my friends serving drinks all night, earning tips 'cos we were awesome! I had a job I loved, £50 a week (not much, but I was only 19). Gave it up, came to uni and my life took a turn for the shitter. No job, no money, no social life. I met Matt, the best thing in my life, when I came to Bradford, I had a few jobs, mostly 'Glorified Cleaners' as no-one in their right mind would apply for a restaurant job at just above minimum wage and take the shit we did form Mrs Patel.
Why can I never get a good job? Pay me to write short stories, and we'll both make a mint. I have a mind of my own; I have an imagination; I have wants, I have needs, but only Matt seems to be able to figure out what they are. My parents have no idea how I feel because they're from another generation, where Higher Education was not a goal for everyone. If you had money, fine. But isn't that what everything boils down to these days? Who has money and who doesn't? The (I hate this phrase, and the rich bastards who coined it!) Credit Crunch is killing off the imagination of decent people who could be our next generation of Doctors, or Artists, or Archaeologists. Imagination is what makes us different from the Animal World, we want to be different so we dream up a future where we are truly happy. But this is to be our downfall, this dreaming. As no matter what you dream, it cannot be completely fulfilled. There are too many factors, such as background, opportunities, money and age. I always wanted to go to Uni, my cousins went when I was about 6 years old so it was always being mentioned,but it was NOT what I expected or, as it turns out, even wanted. I wanted to stay at college a bit longer, get better qualifications but I was offered a place at a university through the Clearing system and an ultimatum by my own mother. Get a proper job or go to Uni. Far away from everyone I knew. EVRYONE.
I was happy working in The Tube, I had friends, I had money coming in. I came to Bradford and that was it. I had money but I wasted it all on her, my rent and food. I never went out; I'd buy a six-pack of Heineken mini-kegs and watch DVDs on my laptop in my tiny room. On my own. She would visit, but it was always grudgingly. She hated my friends at uni, stole my friends at home. When we split, I left her for Matt. I'm so happy now, it makes me want to cry out "Why didn't I do this before?"
I need to get this job so I can set myself up and provide for a family in the future. I'd be happy to do a full-time job, work 60 to 70 hours a week, and leave Uni till later on in life, when we are financially ready, if we can be happy now, just for little while. In the middle of a recession, with tuition fees constantly on the rise, why should I keep sacrificing if I'm getting nowhere?
Why can I never get a good job? Pay me to write short stories, and we'll both make a mint. I have a mind of my own; I have an imagination; I have wants, I have needs, but only Matt seems to be able to figure out what they are. My parents have no idea how I feel because they're from another generation, where Higher Education was not a goal for everyone. If you had money, fine. But isn't that what everything boils down to these days? Who has money and who doesn't? The (I hate this phrase, and the rich bastards who coined it!) Credit Crunch is killing off the imagination of decent people who could be our next generation of Doctors, or Artists, or Archaeologists. Imagination is what makes us different from the Animal World, we want to be different so we dream up a future where we are truly happy. But this is to be our downfall, this dreaming. As no matter what you dream, it cannot be completely fulfilled. There are too many factors, such as background, opportunities, money and age. I always wanted to go to Uni, my cousins went when I was about 6 years old so it was always being mentioned,but it was NOT what I expected or, as it turns out, even wanted. I wanted to stay at college a bit longer, get better qualifications but I was offered a place at a university through the Clearing system and an ultimatum by my own mother. Get a proper job or go to Uni. Far away from everyone I knew. EVRYONE.
I was happy working in The Tube, I had friends, I had money coming in. I came to Bradford and that was it. I had money but I wasted it all on her, my rent and food. I never went out; I'd buy a six-pack of Heineken mini-kegs and watch DVDs on my laptop in my tiny room. On my own. She would visit, but it was always grudgingly. She hated my friends at uni, stole my friends at home. When we split, I left her for Matt. I'm so happy now, it makes me want to cry out "Why didn't I do this before?"
I need to get this job so I can set myself up and provide for a family in the future. I'd be happy to do a full-time job, work 60 to 70 hours a week, and leave Uni till later on in life, when we are financially ready, if we can be happy now, just for little while. In the middle of a recession, with tuition fees constantly on the rise, why should I keep sacrificing if I'm getting nowhere?
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Luckless and penniless!
Are you tired of job hunting and sick of having no money? So. Am. I. I have tried my hardest, my CV rocks but no one wants me. I do believe that I have rejection issues. Severe rejection issues. I never get dumped (4 people doesn't really prove anything but still), it's usually me that ends friendships, arguments and whatever else I could get rejected from, like jobs for instance. I have only been sacked once, and it was from TJ Hughes in 2004 when I was in college, because it was only a temporary job for Xmas. Otherwise, I've quit my jobs. The Tube, I moved to Uni; Sainsbury's, 2007, because my 'boss' was a prick; Omar Khan's, as any reader will know, they are illegally paying below minimum wageand working people to the point of murder. I want a job that pays well, that I enjoy and with fellow staff who are respectful and co-operative. Like at Sainsbury's, everyone is so nice, but they won't re-hire me. I don't see why i can't get my job back like the others when I'm just as good and work twice as hard!
I want the daily schlep, the daily grind because in the end it's all worth its while if I can pay bills and have money left over! What's wrong with wanting that?
I want the daily schlep, the daily grind because in the end it's all worth its while if I can pay bills and have money left over! What's wrong with wanting that?
Thursday, 14 May 2009
The Rut
I'm stuck in this rut, right, but with no idea how to break it. I've tried to write some scenes for the book, but I can't do it. I'm trying to think of things to do, but unless it's free or comes with a cooked meal, I don't want to know!! I'm hungry all the time, depressed all the time and we're fighting over nothing every five minutes. I can't take it anymore, I want it to go back to the way it was: no fighting, taking turns to cook, making love more often. I miss being in halls because it was easy. No bills, no landlord and no god damn R & S. I'm sick of the influence they've had, it's their fault we fight because we get the brunt of all their crap.
If I had a job, none of this would bother me. I'd have somewhere to go and would be tired so I'd have a reason to be moody and depressed. Plus I'd have money, and not having that causes tension too, because we want and need stuff but can't always afford it. It isn't fair on me or M because I want us to have the best, and then the same for our kids, grandkids and whoever else follws! I'm trying to write the book and get it published so I could make money on it. No luck yet, though. But I'll keep trying, hoping. It's what I'm good at.
If I had a job, none of this would bother me. I'd have somewhere to go and would be tired so I'd have a reason to be moody and depressed. Plus I'd have money, and not having that causes tension too, because we want and need stuff but can't always afford it. It isn't fair on me or M because I want us to have the best, and then the same for our kids, grandkids and whoever else follws! I'm trying to write the book and get it published so I could make money on it. No luck yet, though. But I'll keep trying, hoping. It's what I'm good at.
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Today, I am low, so very low.
From my title, I guess you know how I'm feeling. I had chocolate and that didn't work. I cleaned the kitchen, that didn't work either. I think sex might help but I'm not in the mood. I owe too much money to too many people. The "Credit Crunch" is killing me slowly, demoralising me quite quickly, and no-one can help me. I need a lot of money to pay off landlord, parents, catch up with bills, and I need to eat at some point too!!
I got a spam mail from some Born-Again Christian, offering me a cut of £2.5million if I believed in God. I don't. Not her God anyway, but it was tempting. Then I looked up debt advice online, and realised that I can do this. I can beat it, get passed it. I have thought about different ways to get out of debt, but none have been helpful. I even contemplated suicide because it would get me out of this mess. But then I'd lose Matt, the cats, our future. Everything. If I keep going, get help, I can be debt free in no time, providing I get a job. That's what bugs me. I need a job but no-one wants me. It drags me right down, knowing that they can employ me and save me but no-one cares.
I can do any job if I put my mind to it. Maybe not a driving job, unless they can teach me and get me a license (fingers crossed in false hope...)! I can type, I can use a phone, I can even get a coffee order if I'll get paid for it! Every day the problem gets bigger, and I feel smaller as I can do nothing but wait for a job to come along. It's depressing, it's shameful and it's killing me. Someone help me, please, before I drown.
I got a spam mail from some Born-Again Christian, offering me a cut of £2.5million if I believed in God. I don't. Not her God anyway, but it was tempting. Then I looked up debt advice online, and realised that I can do this. I can beat it, get passed it. I have thought about different ways to get out of debt, but none have been helpful. I even contemplated suicide because it would get me out of this mess. But then I'd lose Matt, the cats, our future. Everything. If I keep going, get help, I can be debt free in no time, providing I get a job. That's what bugs me. I need a job but no-one wants me. It drags me right down, knowing that they can employ me and save me but no-one cares.
I can do any job if I put my mind to it. Maybe not a driving job, unless they can teach me and get me a license (fingers crossed in false hope...)! I can type, I can use a phone, I can even get a coffee order if I'll get paid for it! Every day the problem gets bigger, and I feel smaller as I can do nothing but wait for a job to come along. It's depressing, it's shameful and it's killing me. Someone help me, please, before I drown.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Holiday in The Sun
Just been listening to Sex Pistols song about holidays and it made me wanna go somewhere really nice! My boyfriend and I have always said we want to travel before we sprog up, and now is not the best time but a girl can window shop, can't she?
Just found a gorgeous hotel in Wollongong, Australia as I'm jealous as he's been, like, everywhere and the furthest I've been is France! So unfair!!
(http://www.wutravel.com/hotels/australia/wollongong?a_aid=2ab2a366)
Anyway, I'm dying to know how much it is but then I'll be going in and browsing rather than staying at the window, where I should be...!
I'm sat in the living room now with a cuppa, looking at the sun, wishing I was a million miles form here. I don't sunbathe, but if someone offered to take us to somewhere hot and sunny, I'd do it. I'd burn, but I'd be happy as the proverbial Larry, lying in the sun, nice and warm, cocktail to hand and a good book in front of me. Yeah, it'd be worth it!
Suzi
x
Just found a gorgeous hotel in Wollongong, Australia as I'm jealous as he's been, like, everywhere and the furthest I've been is France! So unfair!!
(http://www.wutravel.com/hotels/australia/wollongong?a_aid=2ab2a366)
Anyway, I'm dying to know how much it is but then I'll be going in and browsing rather than staying at the window, where I should be...!
I'm sat in the living room now with a cuppa, looking at the sun, wishing I was a million miles form here. I don't sunbathe, but if someone offered to take us to somewhere hot and sunny, I'd do it. I'd burn, but I'd be happy as the proverbial Larry, lying in the sun, nice and warm, cocktail to hand and a good book in front of me. Yeah, it'd be worth it!
Suzi
x
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Hi, world. Any jobs going? Can I have one?
Okay, so I'm hardworking, dedicated, motivated, skilled in most things, and willing and able (so long as I don't have to travel too far!!) to do most jobs. So why don't I get any offers? I'm a limited resource, all you need to do is train me a little and I'll work a lot! I can type (hence the blog), I can use a telephone (even before you've told me what to say) and I'm polite to people I meet in person. I keep a diary (it's often empty but nonetheless) so I can keep one for you, it's not hard!
I have experience of working in an office from when I was about 7 or8 years old. Mum used to work in a busy office and I used to help on teacher training days and school hloidays. Once I turned 10, I'd be allowed to type documents, answer phones, show people the books we had in, use the franking machine and do other office stuff. I AM CAPABLE!!! Give me a job? Someone? Anyone? I can do it and, if I need help, I'll ask (but I won't bother the big bosses with it!)
If I can't get a job soon, it may have to be the dole and I don't want that. Not just because it's too cliched but because, well, I'm better than that. Until I'm flat broke, I'll keep trying to find work but that cloud is getting closer. Dole clouds, ugh. The stuff of nightmares!!
Suzi
x
I have experience of working in an office from when I was about 7 or8 years old. Mum used to work in a busy office and I used to help on teacher training days and school hloidays. Once I turned 10, I'd be allowed to type documents, answer phones, show people the books we had in, use the franking machine and do other office stuff. I AM CAPABLE!!! Give me a job? Someone? Anyone? I can do it and, if I need help, I'll ask (but I won't bother the big bosses with it!)
If I can't get a job soon, it may have to be the dole and I don't want that. Not just because it's too cliched but because, well, I'm better than that. Until I'm flat broke, I'll keep trying to find work but that cloud is getting closer. Dole clouds, ugh. The stuff of nightmares!!
Suzi
x
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Unemployed again
So, where was I? Yes. The job at a Bradford curry house. Worst so far. Half minimum wage and doing 9-hour-plus shifts. And drug deals in the car parks. Wonderful.
Let me explain what I expected. £5.70 an hour minimum wage; nice uniform; high standards in the kitchen and most of all decent, regular hours. So, now to what I got. About £3 an hour; had to buy my own uniform; got to bed at stupid hours; hurt my back straining to lift plates etc; boyfriend and a housemate nealy stabbed waiting fot me; lectures on doing things one way when other staff do it another way. But the kitchen staff were angels. They were so nice to me, I was fed (for free) a different curry each night I worked, was spoken to like a superior when I wasn't and best of all, asked if I was okay. Repeatedly. I never got to say goodbye to them as I left suddenly with the pain i was in and the fact that I'm worth m ore than I was payed there!
Oh, well. trying to get back in with Sainsbury's now. Better pay, better hours, better staff!
Let me explain what I expected. £5.70 an hour minimum wage; nice uniform; high standards in the kitchen and most of all decent, regular hours. So, now to what I got. About £3 an hour; had to buy my own uniform; got to bed at stupid hours; hurt my back straining to lift plates etc; boyfriend and a housemate nealy stabbed waiting fot me; lectures on doing things one way when other staff do it another way. But the kitchen staff were angels. They were so nice to me, I was fed (for free) a different curry each night I worked, was spoken to like a superior when I wasn't and best of all, asked if I was okay. Repeatedly. I never got to say goodbye to them as I left suddenly with the pain i was in and the fact that I'm worth m ore than I was payed there!
Oh, well. trying to get back in with Sainsbury's now. Better pay, better hours, better staff!
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
The New Job
Hello to anyone reading this. I have a job. It's a good one too. A curry house in Bradford, with the nicest group of people I've worked with since Aintree in 2005. They are truly awesome. They make me feel welcome and if I have questions, I'm encouraged to ask them. I'd just like a minimum wage. I say this with gratitude, I love my job; I'm fed and watered, spoken to like a human being and best of all I've made friends. It's just, I have to ask, is it worth it?
The minimum wage for someone my age is £5.73. I'm on less than £3. It's a crap wage but I do love it. It's nice working in a busy environment, I missed that at my previous job. I do enjoy working for people, taking orders and making sure they're okay etc. The only problem is at £25 a shift, I'm making sod all for 23 hours work a week: £75, that's it. It's unfair and illegal but I have to say, it's just about worth it. I am enjoying myself, learning how they do their thing, comparing it to other places I've worked. It's a new learning curve, I like the challenge but I'm having troublw with the whole £3 an hour gig. I just want to change my life for the better and be a free woman, able to care for Matt and myself without making too much effort. I've always had a good work ethic, good manners etc, but why am I pimping myself out like this? Again, is it worth it? Please, someone: tell me!
I hate having to work. I truly do. I want to be free and live on an island near Fiji with Matt and our two dogs and just be free. But, no. Not a possibility unless they start paying me a couple of million a shift. Unlikely.
The minimum wage for someone my age is £5.73. I'm on less than £3. It's a crap wage but I do love it. It's nice working in a busy environment, I missed that at my previous job. I do enjoy working for people, taking orders and making sure they're okay etc. The only problem is at £25 a shift, I'm making sod all for 23 hours work a week: £75, that's it. It's unfair and illegal but I have to say, it's just about worth it. I am enjoying myself, learning how they do their thing, comparing it to other places I've worked. It's a new learning curve, I like the challenge but I'm having troublw with the whole £3 an hour gig. I just want to change my life for the better and be a free woman, able to care for Matt and myself without making too much effort. I've always had a good work ethic, good manners etc, but why am I pimping myself out like this? Again, is it worth it? Please, someone: tell me!
I hate having to work. I truly do. I want to be free and live on an island near Fiji with Matt and our two dogs and just be free. But, no. Not a possibility unless they start paying me a couple of million a shift. Unlikely.
Monday, 30 March 2009
Job Hunting. Wish me luck!
Hi to anyone reading this nonesense. I have a job interview!! At a curry house in Bradford. I'd been worried all day about having no money and people wanting money for bills, yada ,yada ,yada. So I browse the net and find, like, a million sites on jobs in Bradford but you have to go somewhere in Leeds for most of it. What's with that?? Anyway, I found a site that boasted hospitality jobs and there it was. I sent them an email and about 2 hours ago, I get a call. Can I come for an interview tomorrow? Damn right I can!! So, there you have it. I stand a chance of getting a job, earning money and not having to become a statistic by signing on. Nothing wrong with signing on but being Scouse, it would be a cliche, wouldn't it? C'mon, you can admit it here, no-one'll know. It'll be our little secret. (Mmm, anyway, no-one likes Scousers. I'm used to it, I can handle the truth.)
I'm feeling SOOO much better than I was 3 hours ago! I'm ready to go back to working in a busy environment, earn my way and move house with Matt and George. Can't wait! A fresh start, nice job, good prospects. Then we can save money, visit Ray in San Fransisco, buy nice things, keep saving and do anything we want!!
You may think "She's thinking too far ahead", but... you'd be right. I like to because it gives me some nice thoughts, dreams and hopes. Yeah, they'll get crushed eventually but it's nice for now Isn't it?
I'm feeling SOOO much better than I was 3 hours ago! I'm ready to go back to working in a busy environment, earn my way and move house with Matt and George. Can't wait! A fresh start, nice job, good prospects. Then we can save money, visit Ray in San Fransisco, buy nice things, keep saving and do anything we want!!
You may think "She's thinking too far ahead", but... you'd be right. I like to because it gives me some nice thoughts, dreams and hopes. Yeah, they'll get crushed eventually but it's nice for now Isn't it?
Friday, 27 March 2009
Job hunting doesn't stop the crying
Friday 27th March: I'm trying to find a job that (a) I can do; (b) I enjoy and (c) isn't make-me-want-to-bash-my-head-against-a-wall boring. These criteria really don't help you search on he net. Trust me I tried. Going back to my previous blog (that no-one will have read but anyway..) I'm still having weight problems. I tried a food diary but that didn't last long. Then I tried just having what i want. That works too, if you want to put ON weight. People are so stupid if they think that'll work. Plus, Sky was off, so no comfort TV instead. Just this stuff.
Watchin Supersize v Superskinny (C4) is a very scary experience. For one, all you can see is a bag of bones with a weird outlook on food, or the lack of it. Secondly, you see a human lard machine that could put you off eating ever again. Unfortunately, that doesn't work but it will put you off whatever you're eating right then. It amazes me when I consider my own weight issues (I actually don't know what my weight is), I feel better. I don't know if that's the point but I do. The Superskinnies make me sick because I do not want to see their 'diet' because that's the biggest joke ever. How that doesn't kill off the Supersizer in a week, I don't know.
While our Sky was off, we also had to endure BBC3's Freaky Eaters. One girl, this week, was afraid of chicken. i didn't see all of it because I was making a sausage sandwich, which I heartily enjoyed. (Though was plagued by guilt afterwards :s ). The Freaky Eaters should combine with Supersize... as they all seem to have issues with food. As do I. Funny that. We all have our issues, but the most dangerous are from food. I want all the time but am lazy so can't be arsed to go and get it or make it or whatever! Being fat is too much effort but no matter what I do, I still am.
Anyway, writing my book takes my mind off food. I make a cup of coffee and some toast in the morning and eat nothing agin till lunch... if I've written enough. Which somehow, I have. I'll have Jeremy Kyle on in the background, while writing away about drugs and murder or whatever I actually decided (about 10 years ago now) what it's about.
It's good to have a purpose, I'm not that good at writing stories but got my english teacher at GCSE to proof what I'd done already. She liked it! I could have kissed her there and then, but realised that, actually, no, she's married and her daughter is a right cow! Though, her daughter found the book and read it, and actually like it too!!! I was amazed at how people actually like what I write so, here I am on here. Seeing if people care about what I have to say. I doubt it but hey! if you're reading this, I'm on Twitter too!! (suziking)
Suzi
xxx
Watchin Supersize v Superskinny (C4) is a very scary experience. For one, all you can see is a bag of bones with a weird outlook on food, or the lack of it. Secondly, you see a human lard machine that could put you off eating ever again. Unfortunately, that doesn't work but it will put you off whatever you're eating right then. It amazes me when I consider my own weight issues (I actually don't know what my weight is), I feel better. I don't know if that's the point but I do. The Superskinnies make me sick because I do not want to see their 'diet' because that's the biggest joke ever. How that doesn't kill off the Supersizer in a week, I don't know.
While our Sky was off, we also had to endure BBC3's Freaky Eaters. One girl, this week, was afraid of chicken. i didn't see all of it because I was making a sausage sandwich, which I heartily enjoyed. (Though was plagued by guilt afterwards :s ). The Freaky Eaters should combine with Supersize... as they all seem to have issues with food. As do I. Funny that. We all have our issues, but the most dangerous are from food. I want all the time but am lazy so can't be arsed to go and get it or make it or whatever! Being fat is too much effort but no matter what I do, I still am.
Anyway, writing my book takes my mind off food. I make a cup of coffee and some toast in the morning and eat nothing agin till lunch... if I've written enough. Which somehow, I have. I'll have Jeremy Kyle on in the background, while writing away about drugs and murder or whatever I actually decided (about 10 years ago now) what it's about.
It's good to have a purpose, I'm not that good at writing stories but got my english teacher at GCSE to proof what I'd done already. She liked it! I could have kissed her there and then, but realised that, actually, no, she's married and her daughter is a right cow! Though, her daughter found the book and read it, and actually like it too!!! I was amazed at how people actually like what I write so, here I am on here. Seeing if people care about what I have to say. I doubt it but hey! if you're reading this, I'm on Twitter too!! (suziking)
Suzi
xxx
Thursday, 5 March 2009
Thursday March 5th 2009
I'm bored. This is just day something-something while waiting for news of a job. I'm trying to lose weight before I have to go home in August for my mum's 50th. She always has a go at me for being overweight. It hurts, she's been big as long as I can remember and it's not my fault. Okay, I eat. That parts my fault but when i moved to university in 2006, I felt alone and was in a relationship that was bad for my head. And my waistline. This was mostly bottled up until I found Matt and he helped so much. I ate better but not for long because I had no job over summer, we had no money so we could have starved.
I'm trying now and that's why it's frustrating not having a job. I'm always worried we won't be able to eat so I don't eat properly cos that costs too much. Matt knows this and I'm getting better. I worry less and we have people we can borrow from if times are hard. Again.
I put off going home as all i get from my mum is lecture after lecture about being fat and jokes from my dad who thinks it's funny to laugh at people who have trouble with weight or anything for that matter!
I want to have children (not for a while, I'm only 22!!) but I don't wanna be a fat mum, or an excessively fat anything but it's hard. Only Matt understands, he's not fat but he gets me! Il ove him for that. What I don't love is that even though I cut down on sugar, calories (anything I enjoy really) but I don't lose anything, yeah I don't gain, but even exercise doesn't make that much difference. I do have more toned arms though...
I'm trying now and that's why it's frustrating not having a job. I'm always worried we won't be able to eat so I don't eat properly cos that costs too much. Matt knows this and I'm getting better. I worry less and we have people we can borrow from if times are hard. Again.
I put off going home as all i get from my mum is lecture after lecture about being fat and jokes from my dad who thinks it's funny to laugh at people who have trouble with weight or anything for that matter!
I want to have children (not for a while, I'm only 22!!) but I don't wanna be a fat mum, or an excessively fat anything but it's hard. Only Matt understands, he's not fat but he gets me! Il ove him for that. What I don't love is that even though I cut down on sugar, calories (anything I enjoy really) but I don't lose anything, yeah I don't gain, but even exercise doesn't make that much difference. I do have more toned arms though...
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