Thursday March 5th 2009

I'm bored. This is just day something-something while waiting for news of a job. I'm trying to lose weight before I have to go home in August for my mum's 50th. She always has a go at me for being overweight. It hurts, she's been big as long as I can remember and it's not my fault. Okay, I eat. That parts my fault but when i moved to university in 2006, I felt alone and was in a relationship that was bad for my head. And my waistline. This was mostly bottled up until I found Matt and he helped so much. I ate better but not for long because I had no job over summer, we had no money so we could have starved.
I'm trying now and that's why it's frustrating not having a job. I'm always worried we won't be able to eat so I don't eat properly cos that costs too much. Matt knows this and I'm getting better. I worry less and we have people we can borrow from if times are hard. Again.
I put off going home as all i get from my mum is lecture after lecture about being fat and jokes from my dad who thinks it's funny to laugh at people who have trouble with weight or anything for that matter!
I want to have children (not for a while, I'm only 22!!) but I don't wanna be a fat mum, or an excessively fat anything but it's hard. Only Matt understands, he's not fat but he gets me! Il ove him for that. What I don't love is that even though I cut down on sugar, calories (anything I enjoy really) but I don't lose anything, yeah I don't gain, but even exercise doesn't make that much difference. I do have more toned arms though...